In Spite of it All
by Murthagh
Summary: Not every love story is about a gorgeous woman and a valiant man.
1. Chapter 1

I remember my older brother used to call me 'little bones' after he easily broke nearly every bone in my body to 'toughen me up'. He was always upset he got me instead of a little brother. Father told me not to be ashamed of being delicate; after all I was a girl. I had asked him if mother was weak too and he answered in a father's kind voice, "Your mother had a powerful spirit." He explained to me that mother had blessed me with the same gift of strength just before she left. I asked eagerly, "Does that mean I'll leave too and be with mother?" His face transitioned into the grimmest face I'd ever see on him, "No love, you can't go where she is."

Being a child I didn't understand what death was, I didn't understand why I couldn't be with mother. I had even ran away several times trying to find her.

Eventually I stopped looking. I grew into a young woman and I found a place in Edoras as a simple handmaiden. Father and brother were the city's finest smiths. I was the girl who served mead to the men in the halls.

There was a time when the King's nephew, Eomer, had been kind towards me, causing me to believe I might fly away if I had felt any more like I was filled with feathers. If there was any possibility of me marrying it was with him. It was not meant to be, though. Father grew paranoid in the King's behavior. He began rambling about a dark power holding Theoden, that someone else was in the throne of Rohan. He ran himself ragged each day standing in the streets and screaming.

We were given one pardon for his treasonous words as long as we left Edoras behind and never returned. Eomer hadn't been there to say goodbye.

In exile, I was always at father's side tending to him while he grew sicklier. I heard rumor that the King had a similar sickness, like he had become the living dead. Eventually father passed away in his sleep with tears on his cheeks. It was a more peaceful death than my brother's, who was later that same month gutted by a pack of rogue hill-men.

Despite every tragedy that had befallen me, life had one more hurt to dell out. With no help left I was forced to sell my land, every horse I owned and every valuable I couldn't carry to a nearby farmer. The man had seemed a bit hesitant, claiming to have a great respect for my father. I was paid in silver and given an old nag as a gift for my father and brother's deaths. He allowed me to sleep one night in the stables before I headed off further North.


	2. Chapter 2

As I traveled I made sure to give Isengard and the mountain's shadows a safe distance from myself. I was no fool. There were dangers in that land as the mountains devoured the falling sun that I cared not to tackle. Father used to tell me legends about keeping away from sleeping mountains shadows, of orcs crawling out of holes while you sleep, even stories of the forest itself coming alive and devouring you.

It would be easy to use the dirt road through the Wold and avoid Fangorn Forest as well, but I risked taking shelter just behind the treeline each night to stay out of sight.

I secured the old mare to a tree and removed the weight of my belongings from her back so she could rest. The sun had gone down much faster this night, I suspected that the next day I would travel in much colder weather. It was after I checked my supplies that I thought I should venture deeper into the woods and find some game to kill for their fur and meat, although I was reluctant. I looked to the mare for any signs of alertness, she would sense impending danger long before I could. She was placidly nibbling the roots and grass.

With a small torch and the short-sword I had brought I stepped around a thicket and down a hill as quietly as I could manage. Finding tracks in this unnatural darkness would be challenging, but once I found a trail belonging to some deer it became much too easy. I should have gone back to camp and risked the cold and hunger.

The deer were like my nag, grazing as if they didn't sense danger. It made me wonder if maybe there was a more cunning hunter than I that a horse couldn't sense? Still, the deer did move at the sound of a footstep...but it didn't belong to me.

Unlike my prey, I was less inclined to run at the slightest sound, but I did get the deep sense of impending dread once I knew the sound was behind me. I looked over my shoulder cautiously, praying to the Old Gods that I would be delivered safely out of the woods.


	3. Chapter 3

When I had finally found the courage to look, I saw nothing directly behind me, but I didn't linger to see if something was watching. I found my way East and began to run as if a bear was on my heels, which after a moment I thought I could actually hear a bear following.

I spotted my camp-fire in the distance and was almost instantaneously relieved. It was a bit too soon to believe I was out of danger, though.

My nag shrieked the moment before I saw large shadows silhouetted by the light running straight for her. She shrieked again, but it was her last. I heard her fall to the ground and then the sickening sounds of her flesh being torn and her insides spilling out. I'd cleaned dozens of deer before without so much as a wince, but now I felt like I would loose the contents of my stomach.

The monsters, like orcs I'd never seen, took whole handfuls and more and shoved them into their mouths while fighting over the remains like dogs. In a panic I'd remembered my torch and put it out with dirt hastily. I had not the bravery or skill to fight off these beasts, so I'd wait for them to leave, sitting alone in the dark and listening to them sort through my things.

"There ain't nothin' here of any worth to no one's..." grumbled one with the voice of rocks grinding. My heart lept. They could speak my tongue.

"The owner should be around abouts somewhere dont ya think?" said another. More joined in on the argument at varying levels of incoherent shouting until a small brawl started.

A shadow caught my eye then, it was deeper into the woods from where I had been, just standing there. I realized it'd been there for several minutes and couldn't blink then. I was sure it was watching me.

Then it moved, against all of my hopes it was my imagination, the shadow grew larger as it stalked towards me. My heart was climbing my throat to escape, my skin became shivering cold as if it were already in the North. The shadow took the shape of a man, or something like it.

It was another one of those creatures, looking right at me. My mouth stuck shut as it came even closer up the hill. In the dim light I could see what might have been a handsome face despite the scars and blackened skin and mouth lined with sharp teeth. Shadows danced across it's face, I couldn't tell but I think it put it's finger to it's mouth.

In one completely confusing action the thing walked right past her into the camp. I pulled myself to my feet quietly as the creatures roared with greetings, "Did you find the man flesh?" They asked impatiently.

I didn't stay long enough to hear what he said, by that time I'd sneaked away out of earshot and began running again. My plan was to make a distance before leaving the forest and trying to make it as far on foot to my original destination as possible. My hopes of finding a main road and then another person were low, but I was ready to believe my luck was turning up.


	4. Chapter 4

For a day and a half I was driven to run until I slowed to a stop, sitting on my knees in the dead grass. Still so far away, I could see the the LimLight River. It meant for me I had only gone a quarter of the way on my journey.

I took a rest and found it in myself to be thankful that it wasn't as cold as it would be near the Dragon Land's. My birthplace was there. Supposedly it had been prosperous before the Great Red Dragon destroyed Dale. Now it was forgotten, even as people fled back to the wealth of the Lonely Mountain. It was there I would rebuild and start my life as a hermit.

I had used up the last of my will with that thought and closed my eyes after laying on my side. It didn't matter to me at the time that it was still daylight and I was out in the open.

I was woken in the afternoon by a stampede of horses and men shaking the Earth I rested on. They were closing in on a large group of what seemed to be the same creatures I'd seen. The battle moved as many tried to escape to find the advantage of high ground over the horsemen. It was then as they were coming straight for me that I found my legs had become useless. I barely managed to stumble out of the way of the monsters fleeing from the warriors, collapsing on the side lines with absolutely no more strength left. My body begged me to go back to sleep but my mind was flooded with fear and a strong need for self-preservation.

The horsemen were occupied at one end when one of the manish orcs saw me and started to step menacingly towards me. I pulled my sword out and prepared for the first blow. The first stroke clashed down onto mine and pushed me into the dirt, leaving a deep nick in the metal. My chest became hollow. The second blow broke my brittle blade in two and would have sliced me in two if I hadn't rolled away. I looked around for another sword, anything to defend myself, but while I hadn't been looking the creature itself was attacked.

So far I had been relatively unscathed, but the battle would become more intense. I heard the horsemen shout that more 'Uruk-hai' were coming.

It was like time had forgotten to pace itself as I was yet again in the way. My legs refused me, the muscles were torn. I was certain I would die being trampled. Then something strange happened. An Uruk-hai had been right infront of me using a spear to bring men down from there horse. I hadn't realized it until much later, but it was the same one from the woods.

He turned around when a moment came he could let his quard down. Facing me now, again, I felt a calm wash over me. His attention was turned to something behind me, and there he went. A man died behind me but I didn't look as I'd seen people go crazy from looking at death over their shoulders.

I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and a hard thrust that flung me to the ground. Oblivion fell over me as the last conscious thing I could feel was as if something big was hugging me from behind.


	5. Chapter 5

When I was in the dark, I felt as though I was being lifted through it to a warmer place by two strong arms. For a moment I thought it might have been my father bringing me to the afterlife, but the irony smell of blood made it clear that I was still alive. I woke with my head swimming and a sore body curled up by the stomach of a dead war horse. Just after sitting up, I wished I had just remained in my hiding place for a while longer.

Both men and Uruk-hai were strewn about like rag-dolls, and the smell of rot fermented in the air.

Something heard me shifting around and called out in a croak. The sound trailed off into a dull groan just as I barely managed to stand on my feet. It was nearby I knew, I started looking carefully at each body. There were so many dead, I began to feel as though I had been blessed to have survived. I lost track of the sound and stood still for a moment, the wind was absent and the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat.

Something grazed my ankle like the tickle of grass and drew my attention downwards. I pulled my foot away at the sight of someone's burnt hand without much forethought and nearly tripped over a corpse. The hand moved ever so slightly and my eyes followed up the arm to the source. The rest of whoever's body was crushed under a pile of men and horses and my eyes widened. I had to hurry before they were crushed to death.

The men were first to go, I pulled them roughly by the arms and legs with some difficulty until I'd cleared them away. The hand reached every now and then as if to help, clutching at the horses fur roughly. I watched for just a moment as it began to dawn on me that there was no burnt man under this horse, it had to be one of those creatures for sure. I didn't want to believe it yet.

The horse was challenging, it didn't go by quickly but I was managing to make it budge. It was when I uncovered the thing's face that I'd wished I was wrong, feeling my grip loosen at the sight of the Uruk-hai's bloody face take in a deep breathe of air. I almost didn't want to save it now, but my help was no longer neccessary.

With one hard shove the horse rolled off and the Uruk-hai snarled, taking a moment to lay on his back in pain. It then tried to pull itself up, but with a loud roar collapsed back to the ground. Something must have been broken, I knew. I started edging closer to him while it's eyes were shut as if this would keep it from knowing how close I was.

I must have lost my mind then, I would later realize, when my finger tips touched the skin on his arm. It flinched away and growled low at me, like a wounded dog, now inclined on it's elbow and looking me eye to eye. I'd frozen in place, searching myself for something to do or say, anything but stare at him until he bashed my head in. "I want to help..." I said calmly while my mind screamed at me to run.

The Uruk-hai looked to his arm for a long moment before reaching for my face. I retreated from his hand slightly, he waited for me to stop moving before making contact with my cheek. He touched my jaw like I'd touched his arm, leaving me utterly baffled. He laid back again, watching me as if waiting for me to fulfill my promise.

I'd forgotten to breath for a moment while my mind raced. I could still barely feel his touch even as I started searching him for injuries.

Searching for things I could use as splints and bandages I happened upon a horse who's owner still gripped to the reigns. The body was headless and had fallen to the ground forcing the horse to bow it's head. I was surprised by how beautiful this horse was, a pure white gelding with a wavy mane. It was easy work loosening the dead man's grip and leading the horse away. It would be able to carry me and a satchel of supplies to where I wanted to go for sure... but then I remembered the Uruk-hai who had trusted me to help.

He was waiting patiently, breathing painfully, as I returned. The horse I'd found knelt it's head down and breathed in his scent deeply, nuzzling his forehead comfortingly. Horses were such wise judges of character in people, I couldn't help but feel relaxed knowing the horse wasn't scared of him.

I didn't know where we were going. Surely someone would see us and try to kill him. They might even kill me for having him in the first place. I was unsure of myself that I could protect him even with the weapons I'd salvaged. He had gone unconscious hours ago after I had finally secured him to the horse, tying his arms around my body so he wouldn't slip of the side.

It was the closest I'd ever been to a man who wasn't family. If I could have even considered him a man. His head lolled like a rock on my shoulder, making it a fight to stay straight until I grew used to it. He'd mutter in my ear sometimes, some incoherent speech I'd never heard.

I located a shallow part of the river and crossed carefully. He began to wake as the water splashed his skin. With a deep groan he pushed away only to find he couldn't push away further. He realized then the situation and oddly relaxed, resting his forehead on my shoulder. I wanted to ask him a lot of things, but it seemed more right to remain quiet.


	6. Chapter 6

Sometime during the day I untied his arms, admittedly I was worried he'd turn on me but he surprised me by mildly rubbing his wrists and then grabbing the saddle underneath my legs to hold on. He remained absolutely quiet the whole time until just before dusk when he said, "There's a cave we can stay in." He pointed somewhere in the distance and I followed his directions until he leaned forward and took the reigns from my hands, pulling back and to the right slightly.

The horse came to a stop and he slid off first, grunting hard as his splints strained against his weight. His legs should've still been badly broken but he took the pain in stride like the injuries were months old. I began to throw my leg over when his hands grabbed my hips roughly and he pulled me down himself.

"Hurry." He took the horse and my arm, making me feel more like I was his prisoner than his savior. The entrance to the cave was obscured by bushes that he had to use considerable force to pull aside for both the horse and myself to walk through, and the inside was cold and camp.

I shivered a little and looked back expecting him to be there, but he'd gone. Worried now I pushed back through the bushes and searched for him, somehow very upset that he was gone without a word. He didn't appear for several minutes as I stood waiting.

My ears alerted me to the presence of Wargs somewhere in the distance and I crept back into the cave where the horse had been half asleep standing. I began to think that he'd left me and found his own kind again, and that now I was alone. With no small amount of sadness I put my head on the horse's shoulder and planned on my next move. I'd have to stay here until dawn, and keep riding.

It was when I had finally made a small fire that wouldn't give me away that I'd finally drifted off to sleep. The gelding that I'd decided to call Alomar had fallen alseep long ago, kindly allowing me to rest my back against his belly.

A small sound alerted me and I woke to the sight of my Uruk returned. He had in his hands a fur that seemed to belong to a large Warg, the fleshy side still bloody. He stomped over casually and laid it on the dirt with the fur facing up, then gestured to me. I stared with confusion, "Is this for me?"

He nodded and sat down beside the fire, warming his bloody hands. There was always a trace of blood on him it seemed. I looked at my gift and then at him, he who should've killed me long ago. He stared at the fire for a moment until he felt my eyes on him, and he did something very bizarre.

The beast smiled very slightly and gestured to the fur bed again before laying on his back and closing his eyes. I was speechless. The questions were about to burst out of me. He didn't act like any monster I'd seen or heard of. I even wanted to go as far as embrace him now. It felt like I had a friend in this world at last.

The last moments before I fell asleep and watched him while thinking of that last thought, wondering if maybe... there could be more. Shame washed over me again. Everything about what I was doing and thinking would be frowned upon. I turned over on my side where the fire's light barely reach and tried to think of other things.

/

The next morning I could hear the constant painful grunts the Uruk-hai made. I sat up and realized just how close we had been laying to each other, and I remembered how warm I had felt all night. He woke up then feeling me shift around and stood up before I did, walking over to the fire ildly and pulling the strings on his breeches.

My eyes widened as I watched him undress for too long. I turned away and hurried outside while he relieved himself and put out the embers of the fire.

Outside the sun was just beginning to climb the horizon and a playful breeze lifted my hair away from my face. I looked back to the cave where the Uruk emerged leading the horse. He nodded to me that he was ready to continue the journey and handed me the reigns.

He climbed on back and this time put his hand on my hips to hold on.

/

We had reached the edge of Mirkwood at high noon. I furrowed my brow at this, knowing this was much too slow to travel if we were to make it anywhere. Unaware for a moment that I'd made a stop the Uruk spoke up, "If you let the horse gallop we could go much farther."

I turned my face over my shoulder to look at him, expecting him to be much closer, but he was leaned back, "You'd need to be fastened to me by chains to be able to stay on when I ride." I hadn't meant to brag, I'd meant it seriously. He chuckled, the chuckle sounding more sinister than gentle, but I imagine he couldn't help it. "I will do fine." He said and wrapped his arms around me lightly. I adjusted him by making him squeeze and giving him one last warning.

I could almost imagine the transition of calm to terrified in his face as I kicked the horse into high speed. This had been my only true talent as a child, I had been able to outrace some of Rohan's greatest horsemen on occasion. The terrain became rough quickly but I had experience maneuvering through worse.

The Uruk behind me gripped onto me as strong as possible, nearly crushing my lungs in his embrace. Clearly he'd underestimated me.

/

The horse was a good breed, I'd noticed when I first found it, and it could have ran an entire day if I willed it, but I slowed it to a stop sometime during the afternoon alongside the eastern bank of the Great River. We were technically in the Wilderlands now, and I made a surprising change in behavior. Maybe it had been my impressive riding, or maybe it was my confidence in knowledge of these lands from my childhood that I became braver in that moment. I got off of Alomar with a sly grin as I got to see for the first time my Uruks face. He wobbled on his legs and immediately sat on the ground.

The sun was still up but it seemed for tonight we would have no shelter. The Uruk began preparing a fire for cooking the warg meat he had hunted yesterday. I looked over at the river and brought the horse over after loosening his straps. He drank deeply while I washed his legs off, unaware that the Uruk was watching me. I caught him while I looked up from under Alomar's neck and for some reason I smiled like a young girl does when she see's a handsome man.

I turned my head down then knowing that might have been strange for him, but when I looked back up he was striding towards me. In surprise I lifted my head again and watched him come over. I wondered what he was doing. He came over and pulled me into his chest by my arms, enveloping me in an embrace.

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I felt so lightheaded, in denial with myself. I couldn't lie to myself, though. I knew at that moment I'd gone off the deep end and fallen in love with this creature.. I didn't even know his name.

He sniffed the air a moment, wrinkling his nose. Then he sniffed his shoulder and grimaced. I laughed softly and his attention turned to me. He leaned in real close to my head and took in a light breath. "We stink like rot." He grunted and began to remove bits of his armor. My mouth lay wide open in shock as he left nothing to the imagination. I'd never seen a man this naked, and even though it was for only a brief moment before he entered the river, I had seen too much.

I turned my head away feeling my confidence fly away like it didn't exist. The splashes from behind me came closer until I heard his bare feet pad the ground. "You need to wash." He tugged on the knot holding the top layer of my dress in place. I jumped nervously and backed into the horse, "I'm fine...I" even I could smell my own stink, I did need to clean the blood off. It would keep us from being tracked more easily by night creatures with powerful senses of smell, but I had not the tenacity to just get naked in front of him. He gave me a stern look, "I will not harm you." The Uruk cornered me and began pulling pieces of my clothing off until my chest was bare and I covered myself. I shut my eyes tight and strained to fight back the single tear that fell down my cheek and dropped onto my hand. He stopped for a moment before I could feel my head being lifted and the tear being wiped away with his palm. "I will not harm you," He repeated, but quietly. His hands fell to my hips then and finished undressing me before i could hear him go back into the water.

My eyes finally opened, he was in the river washing his arms with his back turned to me. I felt guilty then, for having expected the worst from him. Slowly I walked into the cold water until it was up to my shoulders. I watched him for a second before dipping my head under the water. The water around me became dark and cloudy. I felt twigs and leaves free themselves from my hair. I ran my fingers through my hair into the water and looked over at him. He splashed his face with water and ran his hands over his oily black hair.

Whatever it was that inspired me, I felt ready to face him bravely. I swam over and placed my hand on his bare shoulder, "Thankyou." It didn't sound right, it sounded insincere, fake. That wasn't nearly enough to express my feelings. He turned around, eyeing me. His gaze made me feel hot in the face. "Why did you save me?" He growled low. I responded with the same question. He seemed unwilling to answer with the whole truth at first, "I didn't save you. I spared you from a fate worse than death by choosing to lead my men away from your trail." The Uruk looked away now. "You weren't obliged to heal me." He added.

I didn't know what to say without having to explain everything. "I didn't have to, no." I tried to keep myself composed, "I don't regret my actions." By the time several moments of absolute silence passed I was looking at the clear surface of the water. I was waiting for him to say or do something when he got out and dressed. My heart felt brittle watching him lay down by himself. I got out eventually and dressed slowly. Night had come too fast and the fire wasn't nearly warm enough.


	7. Chapter 7

My mind reflected on the recent past that night, trying to make sense of the last few days. It all felt like a mistake. We weren't meant to be here. Why had he gone against everything he knew to keep me safe? What is it that I can give? I closed my burning tired eyes and wished I could return to my childhood. Everyone wished that for themselves at some point, I knew.

I wondered if my Uruk-hai had a childhood. Rumor was that they were borne from the Earth already the size of men. Had he been denied living the first moments of his life the way he wished? It felt silly wondering such things about a killer. I'd never seen evil with such striking eyes, though. Green like emeralds in the light. I've never met something that could kill me with the ease of the flick of a wrist and never tried. He even told me I would not be harmed.

Did he have feelings for me? The idea just made me feel cold and warm and nauseous and deluded. I was reluctant to admit it to myself, but I might have grown feelings for him as well.

I lifted myself up to check if he was still laying asleep, almost hoping he'd ran away so we could both be better for it. He lay still like a boulder on the other side of the fire. My thoughts became too heavy to bare. I had to release him somehow, or else he would be killed. But.. I would never feel this way for any man.

/

I didn't sleep well the rest of the night, watching the mountains in the West. I fantasized that they would wake up and move towards me. They would reach down and offer a life free from any loss for me and the Uruk, and we'd stay in a warm stone house. We could be safe to... I couldn't finish my fantasy then. It just kept becoming apparent that Uruk-hai's weren't made for domestic life. He'd be miserable, and that's when I felt his stubbornness to stay would give out.

Minutes ago I had discovered that the meat he was preparing was still untouched in the leather pouch. The salt had kept it well enough for it to be breakfast. It had smelled as if it were spoiled, but I concluded that warg's were naturally putrid.

While I was considering my options I heard him stirring behind me. My head whipped around in time to see him sniffing the air and noticing the meat. "It's ready." I said, surprised in my own voice when it came out hoarsely. He looked me over in a concerned manner and I refused to look at him when he acted so human. It would only make me love him more.

I listened to him eat for a moment, but I didn't hear him sit behind me and stretch his legs out on either side of mine. My eyes jumped back and forth between each of his legs until he pulled me backwards onto his chest, the back of my head resting on his good collarbone. I felt so tired then. He fed me the chewy meat while I drifted away, despite fighting myself to keep my eyes open.

/

I felt like I'd betrayed my own self. Falling asleep in his arms was three steps backwards from letting him go, and now I began to wake feeling my body bouncing. I frowned and looked around at my settings, trying to find out why I was moving like this.

I was on Almora, riding behind my Uruk. His broad and powerful back had been my pillow. Looking up to the sun it occurred to me that it was already noon. I'd slept for a long time it seemed.

"You think too much, it makes you sick." He hit the nail on the head with that, yet I had no clever response for him and simply said, "Oh?"

When he had resolved that all was said that needed to be said I closed my eyes and rested my head on his back. I had to try harder for his sake to keep him safe, somehow, and I couldn't do it with the reluctance I had.

/

The Uruk stopped the horse short and turned his attention to the mountains moments before Alomar began to panic and cry. I looked to where he was looking and saw a hoard of goblins on wild boars riding for us, their torches lighting hideous scarred faces. The Uruk slid off the horse and unsheathed two large and menacing battle axes in each of his capable hands. He shouted backwards at me using the black speech, using a word that I'd heard his use a lot. I shook it off and understood he wanted me to flee.

For a few yards I had respected his wishes and reached a safe distance, but as I looked back I became flooded with guilt. An arrow flew past my head, and it only boldened my spirit. I'd never been in combat, but now was a better time to fight than any other.

I rode in on Alomar's back and successfully lopped the head off of three goblins one after the other, my Uruk shouted at me, that familiar word repeated often. The horse reared high in the air and I slipped off the back end onto my feet, unexpectedly transitioning to hand to hand combat with grace.

My luck went as far as my abilities did and as I went I made more and more cocky moves until I was face to face with a boar. Words of advice from my father were in mind when I dodged it's first charge, but I was at a loss for what to do when it rammed me from behind and I ended up on his back. I had no idea how goblins could steer such a reckless beast while I held onto it's fur for dear life. It flayed around trying to buck me off and managed to stomp it's own masters in the process.

It bolted in a straight line now, right for the Uruk. I reached for it's tusk and ripped it's head back hard, practically making it back-flip onto my body. With a loud 'oof' I got back to my feet expecting more battle, but was met with the silence of my foes. I laughed a little at how ridiculous I must have looked riding that boar, but then looked behind me at my companion. He didn't seem amused.

/

Arguing with an Uruk was more threatening than one actually coming towards you with a sword. He had come over and took my shoulders, saying a lot in his tongue before remembering I didn't understand and beginning with, "I told you to run."

Like a child I rebutted with, "I didn't die did I?" His brow fell down over his eyes and he frowned, "That was foolish of you, Ovani." There was that word again. It was clear he was using as if it were my name, I now knew. I opened my mouth to ask what it meant, but he silenced me with the second embrace, one more desperate and warm than the first had been. Clearly he'd been worried for my sake.

What if I left him, I supposed. Would he be in worse shape then?

I forgot my questions for that moment and wrapped my arms around him, giving in to the unnatural feelings I tried to deny.


	8. Chapter 8

I could see Erebor in the distance. Finally, I felt relief knowing that within a day or two I'd be in the place of my birth. I imagine the stone walls had crumbled long ago and the oaken hall rotted from exposure. I would rebuild my ancestor's home and do it easily for I had no dragons to worry about.

I felt the Uruk-hai shift in the saddle behind me and sigh through his nostrils. "What's wrong?" I turned in place and craned my head up to look at his sullen expression. "Nothing, Ovani. Go." He gestured for us to hurry along as it was getting darker by the moment.

Having almost forgotten we were still in danger I paused for a moment to recollect my thoughts and get Alomar to move.

We trotted along down a dirt and stone path for a short while before I needed to ask, "You call me Ovani? What does that mean?" I could tell the question had surprised him as he was rendered silent and leaned back. "I do not know your name, so I call you, Ovani. It means, 'bad habit'."

Alomar almost reared backward at how hard I accidentally tugged on the reigns to look at the Uruk. Surely that wasn't an insult, I asked myself. When I saw his smile and shook my head he bellowed with laughter, "You have good ears, to have heard me call you that." He admitted a little sheepishly and leaned forward quietly while I finished my laughter, "You did repeat it many times, it was hard to miss." I felt his hands resting limply in my lap. I'd seen him rip whole branches in half with them, he could probably even smash my skull between them, but with me he had only shown a gentle touch.

"What is your real name?" He finally asked as a chilling wind from the mountains turned my skin to ice. "I like the name Ovani, it's what you've picked for me. What are you called, Uruk?" I had honestly forgotten my name, or chosen to believe I didn't remember it. I had decidedly taken this new name as a symbol of the new life I had.

"Sulmus." He said plainly and with a slight hint of annoyance in saying it, as if he misliked his name. "What does it mean?" I asked quietly. He dramatically paused, such was his habit, and came close to my head so I could feel his searing hot breathe. It was rotten, but I had expected no less from an Uruk-hai, yet he didn't make as many boarish sounds everytime he exhaled and inhaled. "It means aggressive in my tongue."

He explained that each of his kind were put into a class, he was made to be strong, a berserker he remembered his Lord Saruman describing Sulmus and the rest of his borne brothers. Sulmus could not remember anything beyond the day he was pulled from the mud and took life. He suspected that this had been the second time for him, although his first life must have been as a man or elf. Admitting this he seemed to trail off until he eventually stopped speaking altogether.

I was speechless for the moment. Sulmus must have been the first to realize he was made with another man's life, or if that wasn't true perhaps he was the only one who thought there was some humanity in him. I could almost sense that this notion he had made himself must have made him a little forlorn. "Sulmus." I called back to him and waited for a response. I desperately wanted to ask him if anything triggered memories that might have belonged to his old self, but I told myself that person might not have even existed. Maybe Sulmus was made from goblins and black magic and that was that.

He was far too like a human for that to be true, I should have told myself.

/

There was a bustling little town growing on the ruins of Dale and reaching out far to all corners. I could already hear people in the markets and squares gossiping and laughing pleasantly. In the distance were the two towering Dwarf statues that guarded the gates to Erebor. Sulmus had taken to wearing a black hood and cloak when the sun came up hiding his head low as I dared to bring him closer to death. Finally he had allowed me to go far enough and once again took the reigns from me. This time he slid off the back being careful not to let anyone ahead see him as he was briefly exposed.

My gut told me something was wrong. He would not go into the town with me of course I'd assumed, but it seemed more like he was getting ready to leave. "Sulmus, I need to get us supplies for the last foot of the journey, and a cart for building supplies. I'll be right back. Will you stay?"

The last thing I had said had an impact on him I knew when he stopped walking for the cover of a nearby overhanging boulder. He walked back over to me and placed one hand on my leg, squeezing it gently. "I will be here if you need me." His eyes glowed under the dark of the hood slightly. Before I could utter a word he went about hiding in the shade of the boulder that made a small enough cave to conceal him in darkness. His words concerned me, but time was limited I couldn't stay to make sure he'd stay like a loyal dog.

As I went I began assuring myself that if he did leave it would be okay, afterall, I couldn't force him to stay. What if I did need him, though? What if he was in trouble by himself? What if this was better? I ran myself in circles and was nearly ragged with tormenting conclusions that when I reached a merchant he could clearly tell the state I was in.

"What has you so down, traveler? Have you come very far?" He was a polite old man with a nearly toothless smile and a young granddaughter playing with straw dolls at his gnarled feet. I answered with a smile the sincerest smile I could manage, "Yes, from the South. I'm in much need of supplies."

He laughed with a snort and said in a curt tone, "You need to go have a talk to that man who's on your mind, that's what you really need."

I looked at him in shock, "How? Has Sulmus been here before me?" I said stupidly and caught myself too late. "No young lady, but I was right t'wernt I?" He laughed more, this time his descendant laughing the same way. This time he pointed at me, "If he makes you feel this way he must be important, yes? Well I can tell if you're here for that wagon you've been eyeing and the tools here on the table you've been picking up you must be building a homestead, right?"

I was baffled at how right he was. "Yes, you have a very keen eye, merchant."

He continued, "You plan to bring this man with you, yes?"

To this I could only nod decisively, as I wasn't sure if I could take Sulmus to live with me.

"Then I will give a young couple a chance for true happiness, take what you need. The only thing I want is a small amount of coins and a promise for you to keep. You must always carry on and show the world your joy."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Why are you being so kind? I cannot take your wagon and tools without properly paying you, how will you live then?" I had a purse filled with a generous amount of silver and put it on the table before him insistently.

He inspected the shining nuggets for a few moments before taking but one small piece and grinning wide, "The Lord Dwarves in Erebor share their wealth with the town sometimes, especially to families like mine who have helped take their goods to the corners of the world for all to see. I will be fine. Besides, I noticed you wear the crest of the Eadbald's on your ring there. In fact I only know one other like it. That must belong to Flyn Eadblad, your father?"

"Yes, you know him?" I had become overjoyed hearing all of this and knowing my father was still watching over me in a way. The old man took my hand in both of his and seemed to get tears in his eyes, "He was like a brother to me he was. The man saved my life many times. I'm so relieved to know his last remaining child has survived him and managed to travel so far."

We shared more stories, but he didn't keep me long. He understood I had to go get a few more things before night fell and was eager for me to bring glory to my families name once more. He hand't asked more about Sulmus, and I almost wanted to pretend he knew what Sulmus was.

Alomar was well adjusted to being a carriage horse and seemed to enjoy it more than galloping. I pulled him through the town and quickly gathered everything else that was needed until I was in good spirits and satisfied with my purchases. I still had a few hours of daylight to use when I left the walls of the town and returned to where Sulmus would be waiting. Without observing the boulder much I got out and half jogged over with a smile, "Sulmus we can go, there were many friends in the town that helped and..."

I realized I was talking to no one then, and looked around me in a circles. "Sulmus?"

Going around the boulder and up on top of it I still couldn't spot him. I told myself he had simply gone for just a moment to hunt or find a new hiding place because he had been discovered. I traveled down the path we had arrived on a long ways and then back trying to find him, but night came swift and even with the carriage lantern I couldn't see far.

It dawned on me that he must have abandoned me. My heart felt like a heavy weight that pulled my shoulders down. He didn't appear even when I camped out near the boulder all night until morning. Even when I nearly lost my voice shouting his name.

/

I traveled very slowly, still hoping he'd catch up eventually. The cobble walls and tall wood tower of my ancestor's manor could be seen almost too quickly within one days travel and I had not expected to feel so reluctant to live there by myself than I did at that moment. Still, I remembered my promise to my father's friend. Father would have wanted me to stay strong as well.

/

It took me several weeks by myself to patch and fix the land but the hard work was well worth it. The halls were warm and welcoming, as much as they could be without that missing piece in myself. I tried very hard to enjoy life, waking up without any worries and hearing Alomar outside making friends with the wild horses. The manor and my land was protected by the small militia made up of men and dwarf that also protected the town. I got regular visits from the old man, who I learned was named Deonar, and some others. Sometimes a traveler even stopped by coming from the lands North. Every time I heard a loud thundering knock and saw their large silhouettes I expected to see Sulmus, but was disappointed each time.

I was still a courteous host, but rumor had gone around that I would often stare off into space because I had been widowed or some other tragic event, and it was partially true. Even months after I was deeply saddened by my memories.

There was a prospect for marriage in the town, a man ten years my senior, but a decent man. I said no. I would have rather been a lonely old woman anyways.


	9. Chapter 9

The only thing I knew when I was woken up that first night was the constant pain and great power in me. I had not seen Mordor, but the image of it and the terrible mountain were in my mind. My Lord, my master, the one who had given me life, was the white wizard Saruman. My orders were to kill.

I was given control of a small group of my kind and told to go North to Fangorn and clear out any remaining humans, elves, or dwarves that might be hiding there. It was an easy job, until I saw Ovani. I hadn't given her that name yet, but it was who she would be to me after I let her escape.

The others must have found her camp by the time she had spotted some deer for food. I watched in hiding as she behaved a little like the deer she hunted by looking around carefully and stepping lightly. Her mount began to shriek in fear and that's when Ovani ran away with her small trailing behind. I liked her smell.

I followed slowly and kept my eyes on her while she was clearly considering going into her camp and killing them and then changing her mind within seconds. Ovani must have noticed me because her eyes were stuck in my direction for a long time. I stepped out and began walking past her to keep her secret from the others, they would eat her if I had pointed her out. They were all eating raw horse loudly and digging through her things, the shiny things really excited us.

While they weren't listening Ovani ran away, I could smell her fear. I didn't like that smell. The others decided to rest, so I took the things they hadn't burned and hid them away.

/

Uruk-hai can smell a battle from several miles distance. We knew that the horsemen of this area were keen to fight us. The battle was a sight I enjoyed to see as it was what I was born to do. Ovani's scent was faint, but I found her, somehow in trouble again. She was already fighting, but I could easily see she was in no shape for this. The Uruk-hai that attacked her died and she needed more protection fast. I don't remember what I said to myself that made her so important, but I was better off doing it.

I hid her under a horse and was surprised to see her fall asleep almost instantly, or maybe she fainted. Ovani would be safe there, and I would be able to fight harder without worrying she'd be in trouble.

/

I was barely able to fight once a horse and his rider landed on my legs. Three or four rideless horsemen tried to spear me but I dashed my heavy sword into their skulls one by one. Then I too fainted, with my last thought being of Ovani who was so close by.

Four times I woke up, and it felt like I was blinking, but each time I did it got darker, and darker, then lighter, then the fourth time it was morning and Ovani's face was right there. She was pulling the men off of me. I tried to tell her to leave and let me die, but I couldn't talk. The pain began to pulse again once I got feeling in my legs and I had to help her get the horse off of me.

My legs were broken, I could tell, but Ovani must not have known that my kind heals quicklly. Still, I didn't say no when she strapped my legs with the softest touch I'd ever known. I watched her for a long time. Ovani had pure gold hair and eyes blue like the sky and skin like cream, I couldn't help but see if her face was soft like her hands, and it was. I was told all Rohanians looked like this, so if she looked average it must have just been that she didn't scream at me like the others that made her special to me.

I tried to get up and her first set of splints broke. She got a little frustrated with me I could tell. Ovani left to get more things again and the horse she'd also saved tried to comfort me but ended up putting me to sleep.

Water splashed against my skin and a snapped awake with my wrists bound around her body. At first I thought I was a prisoner now and she'd take me to her people, but after being unable to smell any other humans on her and realizing she had put me on her horse alone I had to let go of my fears and trust her.

I put my forehead on Ovani's warm shoulder and rested myself because she would need my strength later. She untied me after the sun climbed high into the sky and even though I could have ran away, even though I had thought about it, I stuck with her. I loved how Ovani got goose skin whenever I got close to her.

There was a cave I knew nearby that would keep her safe while I got food so I took her there. I led her through a thick brush and realized it would be uncomfy for her to sleep on the rock floor. I left Ovani as she made a fire trusting she'd be there when I got back. There were a few goblins with their guard down when I came upon them and slaughtered them with their warg. The warg would be perfect for Ovani, I had thought, forgetting the meat was like rubber.

Still, when I brought her the pelt and the meat she got a twinkle in her eye that made me feel like they were jewels more precious than any other. The more I wanted to keep her the harder it got for me to come to reality that we couldn't be together.

Ovani shared the bed kindly and gave me warmth for the night, she didn't seem to mind when I pulled her into my arms to see how well she fit there. I'd overheard men say in camps that the women they valued most fit into their arms perfetly. Ovani almost felt like a piece of me and that made me feel unsure about holding her like that anymore. She was too beautiful to be a part of me.

/

In the morning I needed to piss and Ovani's curious eyes stayed on me until the last moment, I tried not to admire the rose color her face made and did my business as she went outside to meet the sun. Had she never seen a naked man?

Outside, the wind danced in her hair and the sun glowed brighter. I looked away after nodding, trying to resist.

/

We were traveling too slow, and I said in her tongue, "If you let the horse gallop we could go much farther." She warned me that she could ride swift but I did not listen to her, although I should have. Ovani had given me one last warning before she made the pacified gelding seem like a wild stallion. The tree line whizzed past us and the horse made several jumps and sharp turns to match the land, but not once did Ovani misguide the horse.

I needed to hold on as tight as possible to stay on, but it was difficult not crushing her to death. Ovani's ribs bended easily under my grip and I found myself in a constant fight.

/

We stopped finally, and I had no idea how the horse hadn't died from running. I guess it was a power Ovani had. She let the horse drink from the river and left me to cook the warg, then she trapped me with a smile. That smile had made me break my promise momentarily. I wanted to have her more than anything, and keep her happy, but how could anyone be happy with a monster. Ovani acted like she was happy with me. I cursed myself for doing it, but I can't say it didn't feel good going over to her and embracing her. I felt foolish having an attachment like this but my mind was taken away from that thought when a rotten odor burnt my nostrils. I sniffed myself, and although it wasn't neccesary to bathe around my kind, it would surely make Ovani sick smelling sweat and blood and other things all the time. She laughed a little and it made me feel light for a moment. What a great thing to hear, her laughter. I leaned in noticing she was covered in blood as well and was surprised that she smelled like me. I said something about us stinking like rot and removed my armor and even the splints she'd made. My legs were fine now. I got into the cold river and shivered for a moment before looking back. Clearly I'd embarrassed her. Ovani covered her eyes.

I got out to help her undress, knowing she must want to be clean and hoping she knew I wouldn't dare harm her. She flinched under my touch and I wondered if maybe my hands were too rough. I assured Ovani I wouldn't hurt her and kept my eyes on her face as her eyes filled with water. I could see she was scared of this and tried to calm her by pushing the tear off of her cheek. It left a bloody smudge but Ovani trusted me a little more for being gentle, and I was able to finish helping her undress. Just before I got back in the water I caught a glimpse of her body and felt like my whole body quaked and stiffened. The memory of my hands on her body undressing her didn't help. I turned my back to her so I wouldn't want to put my hands all over her.

She put her hand on my back and I felt that quake again. I turned and saw her skin under the surface of the water, feeling my mouth water a little. "Why did you save me?" I needed to ask something to distract myself, but I hadn't wanted to ask that. She asked the same question and it made me feel angry at myself. In my understanding, once you saved someones life you owned them, and didn't want to own Ovani, she didn't deserve that, but I didn't want her to die. I told her she didn't have to heal me, she should have let me die, and then she told me she didn't regret anything...

I didn't know the feeling was called love, but it was what I felt for this strange human that I had saved. I called her Ovani because she had become a bad habit of mine.

It need to end, I had to free her. I turned my back on her hoping her attachment would break soon and went to sleep, but the entire night I laid awake thinking of her.

(this section is meant to be simple as it's from the Uruk's point of view)


	10. Chapter 10

I'd known it all along, but watching Ovani in battle made me want to keep her safe more than ever. I'd held her just that morning as if we were in love, and this journey had been months in the process. I knew she was stalling from reaching the city near Erebor to keep me around. It was a tough decision, but I knew it wasn't right keeping her from a normal life.

When we finally came near her destination I'd already dawned a heavy black cloak to keep the eyes of man from wandering too much upon us.

She asked me to wait by a boulder, and although she seemed very hopeful I'd still be here, I could almost see in her eyes that she knew I had to take my chance to leave. Each step I took from where she'd be expecting me weighed heavily and burdened me with regrets. I would never be able to see her face again, I knew as I strode into the woods and threw the cloak away. I'd never hear her voice. I hadn't gotten to hear her sing yet. My hands already missed the touch of her skin.

I'd almost hoped that being away from her the spell she held over me would break...but months past. A year past. It was almost another year before I'd wandered the land and ended up right back where I'd first seen her. I stood on the ground where my kin had devoured her gritty old mare and noticed that a few of the bones were still strewn across the forest floor. Curious, I digged around through the dead leaves and dirt for a moment before I uncovered her stone camp fire, then a piece of torn cloth, some strips of the leather from the saddle. There was nothing of her left here.

I tried to remember her face, and although I had stared into it so many times, I could not see her anymore when I closed my eyes.

/

I went on the same journey I'd taken with Ovani, but alone and on foot. More often than not I found trouble instead of rest, but fighting was like breathing for me. It would be worth killing an entire army if it meant seeing her one more time.

Once the great mountain of Erebor was in sight though, a grim realization struck me. Ovani had never told me where her ancetors home was. The only thing I knew was that it was farther North in a harsh land once known for being infested with dragons. It worried me that maybe she didn't make it after all.

/

It became my purpose to find her now. In desperation after searching the snow for clues I waited by the town for weeks, hoping I'd see her come for supplies. There was one person I began to notice coming and going, a tall man who usually left with a heavy satchel and came back with flakes of snow still on his clothes. It wasn't likely, I knew, but it was the only lead I had. So I followed the man North, and ever North we went. He didn't realize I was a mile or so behind, or at least I hoped so.

Only when he glanced backwards did I realize that he'd been trying to lead me astray and get away from me. I felt my spirit lift as a challenge arised, this man was too stupid to know what he was doing. Even if he didn't know where Ovani was, maybe I could use his horse to get through the blizzard quicker.

The man would tire out but I wouldn't, and eventually he needed to take shelter from the cold. I hid in a bank of ice and snow as he took his only option and climbed into the maw of a shallow cave and lit a roaring fire. He didn't seem too worried I'd find him out, the cold was finally getting to him. His horse complained outside, shivering and stomping in protest. It tried to alert him to my presence but the man didn't pay it mind until it was too late.

I could've kept following this man hoping he might end up finding Ovani, but my patience was growing short. Swiftly, strengthened by my desire to find the one thing that had made me feel something other than pain or rage, I grabbed the man's neck and squeezed, threatening to break it.

He shrieked and reached for a weapon that was no longer there and for a long while struggled in vain, his face contorted in fear at the sight of my face. "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?" He pleaded after realizing he was still alive.

I asked him gruffly if there was a keep anywhere nearby, preferably one that was still inhabited. "T-THERE'S NO SUCH THING! I SWEAR."

My heart sank low. I asked him if he knew a woman with gold hair who lived alone. "NO NO! NO ONE!"

The man was in tears now. I asked where he was taking the satchel, "To an old man, he-he has children! Please let me go, I won't tell anyone!"

I dropped him and took the satchel, "Where is this old man?" I asked, downtrodden. I left the man behind and walked on until I'd found the place he described.

Shockingly, it appeared to have once been a great keep, but even with some obvious renovation it was in shambles. In it's ruins lay a warm cabin, and something about it made me feel hopeful. I took several crunching steps through the snow towards the cabin, keeping my eyes on the windows. A shadow flickered past a window and I froze in place. Someone was opening the door. I waited and reluctantly kept my hands away from my weapon.

The door swung open and light from candles flooded out, for a moment silhouetting the slender figure that stood there. I couldn't react fast enough for it, but once she ran to me my arms simply held her without me saying so. Ovani's small fingers curled around the straps on my armor. Her face was hidden for the longest time in my chest. I looked at her hair, it was less gold than I'd remembered, a white streak ran through it. Her face lifted to mine suddenly. Her face was more beautiful than ever it seemed. As if time had stopped we stood speechless, staring into the others eyes. "I knew you'd come." She spoke and kissed me longingly. I buried my face in her neck, still in shock that I'd actually found her. I'd never leave her again.


End file.
